God finds us in the holes we dig for ourselves.
Where we see failures, God sees foundations.
I met Him a few years ago. In a crowded room, bursting with anticipation and sparkle.
People and glitter swirled around me, but I felt dark and empty. Hundreds of people, yet utterly alone.
I already knew His name.
When the clock struck midnight, it would be the first time I called His name out loud. I would take the first step of an infinite number that I would walk with Him.
From the moment we met, I could feel His light drawing me closer to Him. It felt like a safe haven and a scary foreign universe colliding together at the same time.
Trusting Him came in baby steps. Slowly and cautiously, I allowed myself the fall off the tightrope of man made control. Every time, He would catch me in the soft safety net of His grace. He never failed me.
One day, I stopped worrying if the net would be there at all. I just knew I could start diving.
I have never seen Him, but I know of His incredible beauty. Yet, He has seen all of me.
Every thought. Every secret.
Every joy. Every bruise.
Every eyelash. Every stretch mark.
I have never touched Him. But I have felt Him with the deepest intimacy.
His calm hand placed on my hunched shoulders, abolishing the kryptonite of fear and ego.
The buzzing electricity running through my veins when I listen to Him, my hands pressed together, like an ear pressed against a wall, searching for the pulse of His voice.
He nourishes me without providing a single crumb.
He quenches me up without offering a drop of hydration.
He defines my strength without flexing a fiber of muscle.
He is my salvation, my medication, my oxygen, and my compass.
He is my Ringmaster. The calming force between the back flips and the somersaults of life.
And all I need to do is remember to trust.
To fall without fear.
To dive towards Him.
To choose to be nourished by His love.